


somebody else

by lovejunkie



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, F/M, Freeform, My First AO3 Post, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Original Male Character(s) - Freeform, Pining, Short, Short One Shot, Songfic, Unnamed characters - Freeform, this one is old but i'll post it nonetheless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 01:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovejunkie/pseuds/lovejunkie
Summary: so i heard you found somebody else.(wherein he finds himself in the apartment they once shared, only to look back at it with pain.)





	somebody else

**Author's Note:**

> after a long time of people telling me to post my works, (and a few anxiety attacks) here is my first ao3 post, finally.
> 
> so here it is, an old (and very sucky) piece based off somebody else by the 1975.
> 
> ( find my poetry at hellopoetry.com/yikes )
> 
> feel free to leave kudos & comments!
> 
> \- ♡

coming back to the apartment was the worst.

he never thought he'd come back to the place where he felt the most home - only to take everything — his clothes, his instruments, all the furniture they built together, their big box of love notes and dvds and all the tiny gifts, the photographs — and leave. just like that. it would probably take him all evening if he even tried to look at all of them. there was just so much. it was all too much. 

it has already been weeks since he found out. it took him a good six days to dwell in the first of the five stages of grief: denial.

_so i heard you found somebody else_

his immediate instinct was to defend the girl he loved. he would even try to clear her name, telling everyone how good of a person she was. she's incapable of doing such thing. she loves me. she would never do that. she wouldn't go and destroy every plan we've ever made and everything we've ever built just like that. she would never do that. she loves me.

_and at first i thought it was a lie_

but she did.

and now, he's deactivated every social media account he's ever had - or remember even having - to give himself space to breathe.

but no, he didn't delete pictures. nor did he block her. nor did he delete their conversations. nor did he burn all their pictures and notes and love letters. he wanted to keep them. to cherish them. every single one. they were the only things he had left. at least in this moment.

he's not bitter.

he's in the certain level of grief where being bitter would make him hate himself even more than he already does — if that was even possible. being bitter would only remind him of what he lacked as a partner, about what he lost as a lover. 

he's not mad.

"i should've seen it coming," is what he always tells himself. he placed the blame upon his own shoulders. he thinks it's only fair that she's found someone new. someone who would give her the time she deserves. someone who's always there for her. someone who's only a call away, and they'd already show up at her doorstep without second thought. 

someone she deserves. someone who was good for her.

not someone who could only see her few times a month if they're lucky. not someone who was too busy for her. not someone who barely has time for her. someone who was always, always there for her no matter what.

someone who wasn't him.

now that he's back in their old apartment, letting go suddenly seemed so much harder. to return to the place you found comfort and warmth in, only to look back on the memories with pain in your heart. to the place where you felt love stronger than you ever had, only to leave it, realizing that the love you had wasn't strong enough after all. he couldn't take it. it was a nightmare.

he spent a while gathering his possessions. especially his instruments. before returning, he promised himself he would look for and keep every single thing in their huge box, their collection of notes and photographs and random gifts. he was supposed to take everything. he was supposed to treasure them, even though it would hurt. that was what he promised himself.

yet at the sight of their polaroid pictures lying on top of the box, he just completely broke his own promise right away.

"fuck this," he muttered, kicking the box over, toppling it's content to the ground. keeping these would be torture. his remaining ounce of self respect saved him from holding on to them and further hurting himself.

keeping them would just be the same as breaking his own heart.

it's decided, he's just gonna leave it here.

_i took all my things that make sound_  
_the rest i can do without_

his eyes still betrayed him, nonetheless. they darted through every picture now on the ground. photographs of when they were happy, photographs of when everything was alright. times when they felt like nothing could break what they had apart. it brought back all the feelings he used to feel, but now he remembers them being less happy, more painful, and he knows he would never feel the same way again. 

and the more he looked through them, the more he pictured that it was her new lover beside her in their pictures. his heart started to ache more than it has already been the past weeks. he didn't long for her anymore. he doesn't desire to be with her again, he didn't want her back into his own arms, doing the things they used to do any longer; but his mind was unable to stop picturing and imagining her with the guy. it still affected him badly. he hated, despised the thought of her being with someone else. it weighed down the deepest pit in his heart. he felt all the godforsaken levels of terrible. 

_i don't want your body but i hate to think about you with somebody else_

their relationship has deteriorated past a point of saving. though there has not been a single discussion between them that made it clear that this is indeed the end, though neither of them are actually ready to pull away, they both knew it had to. it had to end like this.

_our love has gone cold_  
_you're intertwining your soul with somebody else_

he knows how selfish it is for him to hate the fact that she's found somebody new. he had absolutely no right to be jealous, be affected or feel hurt anymore. but he did. he wished he would stop feeling this way.

_you said you'd find someone to take my place_  
_i just don't believe that you have got it in you_

he never thought it would end up like this. he didn't want to let go, either. but he needed to. it would be the best for him, for the both of them, to just forget all of this ever even happened. everything's still unclear for him -- he's still left confused, he still has so much questions to ask that he doubt even had answers. he wanted to ask why he wasn't good enough, where he went wrong, why it was so easy for her to just leave him for someone else just like that. yet he chose not to. 

_i start to believe in anything you're saying_  
_i'm reminded that i should be gettin' over it_

the single question he most desperately wanted to ask her remains in his head. if only she were here, it would be the last thing he could've told her.

right now, he's standing in the middle of their now old apartment, his instruments gripped tightly in both of his hands, piles of photographs beneath his feet, surrounded by the harrowing air of loss and pain and memories of this apartment. he sighs, trying to compose himself. he hasn't cried at all in the past half hour he's been here, but now that it's time to finally leave, his hands start to quiver, his voice trembles, his whole body begins to feel like it's going to just shut down and collapse. it was like everything's finally weighing down on him. everything comes rushing back to him. the sadness. the loss. the pain. 

at long last, he drops his knees to the floor, clutching his heart, as he finally spills rivers and rivers of tears he has been so worried about spilling for the last couple of weeks. he sobs, and he sobs, like there was no tomorrow, like he's never cried before, wishing this never happened, wishing it never ended like this, wishing he was enough, wishing she never found somebody else. 

there was no one else in the apartment. she sure as hell wasn't there. he cleared his throat and asked the single question he most desperately wanted to ask her, though no one else would really hear him.

"are you happy?"

the pain could be heard oh so clearly in his trembling voice. and with that, he tries to compose himself again, ready to leave the apartment for the last time, ready to leave everything that came with their relationship behind.

_get someone you love?_  
_get someone you need?_

"i hope you are."

he whispers, as he shut the door behind him.

_i can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone_


End file.
